How Do We Say We're Sorry"

1. What's sorry to the verbally and physically abused? 2. What's sorry to the raped? 3. What sorry to the killed? 4. What's sorry to the robbed? 5. What's sorry to the exploited? 6. What's sorry to the discriminated? 7. What's sorry to anyone who's been wronged in their lives by the things that they did not choose? We'd all like to believe that Heaven is a place we'll be when we pass away but God only knows that for certain. However, can a dying wish be proper in telling the human race that we're sorry for anything left of ourselves in this world that wasn't good? Just a question for us to all heavily ponder! How can we tell a... mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, daughter, son, sister, brother, niece, nephew, cousins, friends, neighbors and communities that we're sorry? For their losses, their pains, their fears and their dysfunctions, because of something we did? Can the bottom of our hearts express it in every single word, every single thought and every single action that we live our lives to right any wrongs that we may have caused upon another human being? Is sacrificing our very last breath in the efforts to be only a positive impact enough? Or will we rather abuse, rape, kill, rob, exploit, discriminate and continue to wrong and believe that we have found a just balance in it all? I am certainly no specialist to the human experience, but to anyone that I've ever hurt in this world... If I could show you today and for the rest of my life that I am sorry for your losses, your pains, your fears and your dysfunctions...would you believe me? And even furthermore forgive me?

Are We Ever Satisfied?

Isn't it interesting how time doesn't matter in the imagination stages of a relationship. The stages where anticipation and expectation takes you places which stops everything for the purpose of being closer to that significant other. A place that's so unbelievable you never want it to end, but somehow reality pulls you back into the rest of the world where priorities conflict with those dreams of romance... and it becomes never enough time to be as close as you were in the beginning. Now doubt confronts your ideas about the stability of the relationship altogether. It makes you think and see things that are really not there, which helps form the excuses that come next... for why nothing is good enough anymore, but if you'd only pay attention you'd know that the only thing in the relationship that changed is you. Have you ever thought that the smallest gestures are the greatest rewards in a relationship? Most of the larger components are nice at times, but even those are superficial when compared to the smaller more intimate components. Which are the things that let you know what kind of person you have come to love and who loves you back. That kind of someone who makes you feel like you're the only thing that really matters and means it from the bottom of their heart. Taking a person like that for granted will be an awful lesson to learn the differences between okay and great. This has been yet another topic to think about.

A Piece of my Mind

It is in this kind of unfavorable atmosphere and experience that as a child I began growing into my maturity. The challenges of trying to become a responsible man throughout it all, has allowed me to really guard against any and everything that opposed my opportunity of being a beautiful human being, both intentionally and unintentionally for example: (old beliefs, family, friends, authorities, etc). I struggled to become decisive and secure about my decisions, but in learning to accept things personally I started to see life through new views and not by those old paradigms of the war zone style environment I observed and grew up surrounded by. So young and preoccupied with a concept of wanting to be respected or at time even feared in order to survive being victimized. When really, it was me being afraid to live life to the fullest and pursue my dreams, and that was self victimizing. To be so capable of accomplishing anything I wanted, but being so unsure and not inspired to want it enough, has been very difficult for me to erase from my mind to this day. And now, I'm so ready to accomplish everything without hesitation, to only be restricted on many levels because of the politics that rules and regulations within this atmosphere presents. That fuels my own dissapointment, but inspires me to continue utilizing my time productively and appreciating all of the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years I have been blessed to do so without losing my sense of humanity, as many others have unfortunately done the opposite. I offer this discussion as a principle from my very own experience, hoping that a parent might share it with their child. It's such a huge deal to be careful not to lose sight of what you're capable of, and furthermore, to never be in a situation that brings you to prison in order to find that out like I did. Trust me, this is not a place for anyone with so much promise and life ahead of them. Also, you'd rather have your parents rules and support, than prison rules and isolation!

In the Eyes of Once an Adolescent

Tales of the grapevine frightens me so much that I'm apprehensive about saying a word to anyone. Thoughts are already threatened by the unknown as I approach this building that appears to be a huge dark castle from the medieval times or something only seen in a movie, but unfortunately this is not a movie it's real. Clink, clink, clink... as a door opens and blam.... steel touches steel when it closes with no where to go. What a feeling of helplessness... no more privacy, controlled movement and a constant reinforcement of that same helplessness. What does an adolescent do? To not become a victim for the predators that lay in waiting to take advantage of their youth somehow.. to not lose themselves and become dependant on the readily approved psychological prescriptions by the psychologists hoping to escape it all... to not lose hope even in such a dark situation and to learn all that can be learned as a positive usage to themselves and others? What does an adult do to help them?...To gain their trust? Are you the kind of adult that any adolescent can come to for advise without being judged, but listened to? If not, you should be... just look around. We all witness atrocities in our lives... Some of us much more up-close and personal than others, but what are it's affect on the mind? Many of the things we've thought were just happening these days might very well be behavior controlling methods.... something to consider when we look at society in it's state presently and back to it's past. There's people who struggle to survive, people who are carelessly living a life of crime, and people who aren't living up to superficial standards so they're killing themselves or carrying the thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. We have all somehow become victims in a supposedly free society. The question becomes, have we believed in a free society that has merely been an illusion all along? And, if it has been an illusion... what does it mean to live in a truely free society, where the rights are not by law of a government, but of common sense in the human experience. If common sense is loving someone like we envision someone should love us... patience and understanding is present, consideration and concern is present, communication is present, emotional and physical support is present. Let's be honest... how often has this been an active thought in our free society?

From Tim's Desk

"For to be free is not to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and embraces the freedom of others"... Nelson Mandela "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind I'd still be in prison"... Nelson Mandela I have experienced a program called Challenges & Possibilities and let me tell you that it's a human experience that surpasses anything a man in prison can ever be a part of for this reason... There are people who come from all over the United States to speak and support what the importance of positive change is as it relates to the life that exists on this planet earth... both in prison and outside of prison. We have all made mistakes in our lives and granted some have been more severe than others, but the bottom line becomes... if you hurt me and I hold onto that hurt while waiting to hurt you back or wishing hurt on you... the only exchange is hurt. Now, does God hurt you when you break his heart over and over with your faults... or does He still continue to give you love because He knows that you are much more than those faults??? I met a woman who was sexually assaulted and she shared her story and the courage in her will to be a survivor made me weep. I've never done anything like that to a woman, but I can't seperate the pain that I caused a mother when I killed her son at 15. After all that I've learned I would trade my life for her son's to take away her pain, but since I can't do that I'm being the kind of person that if he were here today he'd see my heart and the positive changes I've made and forgive me...at least I'd like to think he would... but I live my life by this powerful quote I was introduced to "If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain"... Emily Dickenson I also met a woman who lost her son to vehicle homicide by drunk driver and again I wept. To have her son taken from her and me having taken a son, you cannot imagine what being in the same room with her and hearing her speak was like for me. Then to have her take my hand and hold it with so much tenderness and warmth.... I thought that God was allowing her to punish me somehow because the kid who had taken a life was now this weak and vulnerable man...this has allowed me the opportunity to free my heart and take her son on the journey of being a positive impact throughout the rest of my life regardless of where I am physically. (my dog chewed a piece of this paper so some words are missing, not kidding...Margie) I also met a man who's father was killed at gun point in a robbery when he was only twelve. Having him share that he'd met with one of the men who'd taken his father from him and had forgiven him and although it wasn't easy it needed to be done. Do you realize how much power that is??? There's other people who I've met that shared what opportunities await those of us who have a chance to come home at some point. Alot of stories about the importance of education and faith as well as attitude and integrity. Then there's a woman who travelled from Ireland just to see what the program was about, so that she could take it back with her in hopes of starting something like it in her country. If that doesn't say alot... right?! I close this out by saying that everything that we do, if we haven't already done it is new... new can be awkward and even scary, but anything positive is worth the hope and benefit of us all. I am not the poor choice that I made, but I am a beautiful human being who has come alive with confidence and integrity to always do what's right because anything less is selfish. Thank you all for listening. Happy Holidays!!!

Timothy Morgan

We often wonder what it would be like to see ourselves in the future, but how would we really respond in the moment if it were possible? This is something I wish I could've experienced when I was 16 years of age, some 20 years ago...maybe it would've been the difference in my life that was missing at the time. Let's experiment with my reality anyway as Tim(36) speaks to Tim(16). 36: Hey kid, is you name Tim? 16: Yeah, who are you? 36: Would you believe it if I told you that I'm you in 20 years? 16: I doubt that! 36: Well, I am and I have a few words for you. 16: About what? 36: About how you threw away my youth. 16: How could I have done that if you're me? 36: The things that you did yesterday makes me have to deal with it today. 16: What's that suppose to mean? 36: I've done 20 years in prison... 5 more even before I can see the parole board and then it's not a guarantee that I'll ever see the streets again. Everything I do is by rules and regulations... as a man I can't do nothing without permission, and the only real fabric of life I have is through my worship and loved one's... otherwise in this place they don't even consider me a human being. 16: That's cold. 36: I've had to live with all the sad memories of seeing that young mans mother and looking into her eyes, while knowing that I'd taken her son and couldn't ever give him back to her... then seeing the tears in my mothers eyes over the fact that her own son had been the one who'd taken the life of another human being. 16: Hold up, I killed someone? 36: Absolutely... 16: For what? 36: The truth is... it doesn't matter why?... You had a chance to avoid it all, but in your immaturity and lack of control with your anger, you responded and it changed the lives of everyone he knew and everyone you knew. 16: I'm sorry to hear that. 36: You should be, because it's your fault!!! You have no idea what it's been like to have to teach yourself how to be a man, and to have integrity, and not to be influenced by your environment through books you've read... then being strong enough to apply what you learned because it's right. 16: Do you think I meant for you to go to prison? 36: No, I think that if you'd really known what that night would've brought about you probably would've never done it. I believe you were a good kid, but somehow you made a major lack of judgement and it can never be erased. 16: I don't feel so good all of a sudden. 36: Yeah, I know... but it's just something you really needed to hear. 16: Damn man. 36: Don't beat yourself up kid... I've learned from your mistakes and made the necessary changes to be more of a resource in society and not a horrible hinderance. 16: What can I do to hel? 36: Just continue to listen and I'll take care of the rest. 16: Why did you come so late? 36: I didn't know that I could find you this way, but that's no excuse for not finding the proper guidance in your life through those that were always there for you. 16: I see what you're saying, but I have a few questions? 36: What's that? 16: Will you make a difference in this world? 36: Of course... every person I've met and everything I've done has been genuine. I've shared so much love and hope with others that it's practically making huge differences in their lives as I speak... not to mention in my own. 16: How do you know for sure? 36: I see it in their eyes, in the things that they do, in the ways that they speak, in the kind ways that they smile and just in the ways of them being happy... not only because of something I've shared with them, but also because they've seen me grow into the person I am today. 16: And who is that? 36: A man who loves because it's his strength... who stands alone as the gift that God blesses me to be in this world... who is satisfied in doing what is right and not ever needing anything in return because of it. 16: So you're not afraid to be vulnerable? 36: I didn't say that, but at the same time... how can anyone really know who I am if I'm guarded. 16: What are three good reasons why someone would love being your friend? 36: Because I'm loyal, sincere, and supportive 16: Okay... what makes you exceptional? 36: The fact that I've been through alot, but still manage to have a positive attitude and concern for others without hestitation and also the fact that I'm willing to sacrifice my life if I can help save someone else's... makes me exceptional!!! 16: You're interesting... I have one last question? 36: What is it? 16: You say I killed a young man and you've served so much time in prison for it... What will be your legacy? or should I say my legacy? 36: Honestly... you have left an impact on alot of people's lives and you've hurt them deeply, but today no matter what the past has been, I'm here to tell you that the legacy written will be in the love that I continue to share with the world regardless of where I am or what I'm going through. You cannot change the past, but I can change what is the present moving into the future. God bless you kid... 16: Hey wait a minute... Where are you going? 36: I can't stay here with you, but in time learn all you can, surround yourself with positive people, and follow your dreams... I'm sure that we'll meet again. 16: I'll be looking forward to it. If you have viewed this piece... I want you to consider how easy it is for people to take so many things for granted and not ever realize it until something out of the ordinary happens and it changes our lives forever. Cherish life because it's meaningful and share it with the people you love and the people who need to be loved. Timothy Morgan #275295 GBCI/ P.O. Box 19033 Green Bay, WI 54307

Dare to Live Right...Because it's the Right Thing to do

Today is pivotal, because it becomes the first and can very well be the last.... so the past is only existing in it's memory and the future has yet to be awakened. Enjoy being alive without taking it for granted... but do not stress over doing everything at once, choose what's most important and embrace it... then if tomorrow should be given, do another thing that's most important and so forth, because before you know it you would have witnessed life through the most important aspects... not caring about the superficial. Today has much beauty, but how are we learning and if God is the best of examples teaching by his creations...why do we disagree? I am a Christian, I am a Muslim, I am a Jew, I am a Hindu, I am white, I am black, I am latino, I am asian, I am this and I am that... I have principles that I expect to be followed but I don't follow them myself. I have expectations of love, but I do not give love myself. I have brains to think, but I'd rather not understand a thing. I judge because of differences, but I do not want to be judged. I live only to become a status and not a human being. My family is blood related, but I have no idea who they really are. I stare in the face of death by the things that I do, but when death finally raises it's eyes to look back I'm terrified of losing my life. Fear sometimes overtakes me, but then I realize that someone has to change the world. When will we decide that such a someone will be us? Thank you for your attention... If you are interested in talking about anything whoever you are this is where you'll find me: Timothy Morgan #275295 GBCI/ P.O. Box 19033 Green Bay, WI 54307